I want to take my time for me, all me.

So sitting in the lobby waiting on the damn therapist for about oh, 2 hours, gave me time to write. So, I'll post a little bit of that on here today.

12-2
Again, life has shown me never to trust anyone. No matter how much you think you can, they will always manage to find a way to hurt you.  It has been two weeks and three days since the incident. I have yet to try "normal" again.  I know everyone is waiting, but I just don't feel ready yet.  This is healing, I am sure of it.  I am just not ready to live.  The world cannot wait on me forever... I feel like I have a new feeling, not that I didn't get pissed off before, but I curse any object just for being positioned in a way I deem annoying.  I feel like every fucking person is annoying.  Anger is easier to deal with than sadness. It is easier to harm myself than someone else.  All these women come in in high heels and their hair done and shit, I would love to trip them...I said I am healing, that doesn't mean I can't have some sadistic humor. I am still angry. Very fucking angry. I am angry at those who refused to stay in my life and try to help me. I was not special or worth it enough to take the time to try and understand. I am angry at myself for letting those people into my life at all. I am angry at the friends I have lost. I am angry at the doctors who did not read the signs. I used to know where my life was going. Now, I have no idea. Is it wrong to say I am OK with that? My spirit aches to be free. No plans for now. I want time for me until I am done healing.

With that said, if the language offends you, then don't read it. I have come to the conclusion that those who say they support me and understand really don't. They're just trying to look like the good ones in the battle between good and evil. I am not a fool. I will do this with or without you.